Almost all parents have trouble holding meaningful conversations with their teenagers (and tweenagers). Here are a few tips to help you open the lines of communication.
- Show up. You can’t talk if you aren’t there. Be sure to make time for your teenager.
- Talk in motion. Find something to do with your teenager while communicating—playing hoops, shopping, or learning a computer program, for example.
- Shock them. Say something novel every so often. Unexpected comments will definitely get their attention.
- Tantalize them. Entice them into meaningful conversations with lead-ins such as “I have something to tell you, but I’m not sure you’ll be able to handle it” or “What I’m about to say will probably surprise you.”
- Share funny stories about things that have happened to you. And avoid too many tales from your youth as object lessons.
- Ask for advice. When you’re trying to decide what outfit to wear, a vacation itinerary, or what movie to see, a book to read, ask your teenager for an opinion, and be prepared to be surprised by his or her insight.
- Talk more about the future and less about the past. Encourage your kids to tell you their dreams. Most teenagers like to talk about the future, but they dread digging up the past.
- Stay quiet. Don’t always fill in “dead air.” Silence can communicate a readiness to listen to what your teenager has to say.
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