Today's Clothes
Have you attempted to go clothes shopping with a teenager or a “tweenager” (those between the age 10 and 13)? It can be frustrating, especially when you look at the fashions today.
Though more modest than the previous generation, today’s youth still struggle with fashion decisions that are honorable to God. Clothing choices usually go hand-in-hand with a young person’s pursuit of identity formation.
I suggest finding an opportunity to talk with your teenager or tweenager about clothing choices sometime and somewhere else other than actually shopping for clothes. One way to engage them is to do a good family Bible study together on the issue.
Read 1 Peter 3:3-4 and 1 Corinthians 10:31. Peter tells us that we should not be concerned about the outward beauty, instead, with the beauty that comes from within.” Corinthians encourages us to do everything for the glory of God.
Read these verses aloud with your family, then throw out the following discussion questions: What types of clothes promote an unhealthy view of sexuality? Explain.
What is modesty? Is modesty important? Why or why not?
Are there times when an item of clothing can be appropriate while at other times it’s inappropriate? Explain. How can you tell the difference?
What statements are young people making with the clothes they wear today?
What do those styles say about the people who wear them?
What do your clothes say about you? Is that the statement you want to make? Why or why not?
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Christmas and St. Nicholas
As Christmas approaches, expectant children are making lists of presents that they hope to receive. Advent is an appropriate time to teach them about the life of St. Nicholas and to remind them, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35)
St. Nicholas was born during the third century in the region near Myra, a village that is located within modern-day Turkey (Pastor Lewis visited this place when he was a youth). His wealthy parents raised him to be a devout Christian. St. Nicholas obeyed Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor." He used his whole inheritance to help the needy, the sick, and the suffering. The church recognized his total dedication to God and declared him Bishop of Myra while he was still a young man. He was known across the region for his generosity to people in need, for his love of children, and for his concern for sailors. You can find many legends about his life on the Internet and in library books. In many places in the world, St. Nicholas' Feast Day is held on December 6. This special day celebrates the stories of his generosity and goodness. The life of St. Nicholas has much to teach us.
During the Advent and Christmas seasons, encourage children and youth to think like St. Nicholas, by focusing on what they can give, not on what they can receive. In addition to money, a person can give time, talents, and possessions to help others. Brainstorm with the children and youth ways in which they can give their time, talents, and possessions to others. Here are some suggestions:
- Help an elderly neighbor address Christmas cards or wrap presents.
- Provide childcare for the children of a single parent, allowing the parent time to purchase gifts.
- Help a neighbor with some seasonal yard work.
- Assist a family who has a parent overseas serving in the military.
- Be a friend to a new student at school.
Help them to see the needs of those around them and guide them in choosing a need that they can meet.
You can learn more about St. Nicholas by going to one of the links found on the rightside of this page.
As Christmas approaches, expectant children are making lists of presents that they hope to receive. Advent is an appropriate time to teach them about the life of St. Nicholas and to remind them, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35)
St. Nicholas was born during the third century in the region near Myra, a village that is located within modern-day Turkey (Pastor Lewis visited this place when he was a youth). His wealthy parents raised him to be a devout Christian. St. Nicholas obeyed Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor." He used his whole inheritance to help the needy, the sick, and the suffering. The church recognized his total dedication to God and declared him Bishop of Myra while he was still a young man. He was known across the region for his generosity to people in need, for his love of children, and for his concern for sailors. You can find many legends about his life on the Internet and in library books. In many places in the world, St. Nicholas' Feast Day is held on December 6. This special day celebrates the stories of his generosity and goodness. The life of St. Nicholas has much to teach us.
During the Advent and Christmas seasons, encourage children and youth to think like St. Nicholas, by focusing on what they can give, not on what they can receive. In addition to money, a person can give time, talents, and possessions to help others. Brainstorm with the children and youth ways in which they can give their time, talents, and possessions to others. Here are some suggestions:
- Help an elderly neighbor address Christmas cards or wrap presents.
- Provide childcare for the children of a single parent, allowing the parent time to purchase gifts.
- Help a neighbor with some seasonal yard work.
- Assist a family who has a parent overseas serving in the military.
- Be a friend to a new student at school.
Help them to see the needs of those around them and guide them in choosing a need that they can meet.
You can learn more about St. Nicholas by going to one of the links found on the rightside of this page.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Violence in Schools
There have been three school shootings in the last week and our children are asking questions and expressing fears. Sometimes its hard to talk with our children about these things, mostly because our parents most likely did not have to talk to us about them. Here are some tips from the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory about how we should respond to our children’s questions with age-appropriate answers.
Children five and younger need to be sheltered from violent media images. It is also recommended that they do not watch TV news. They have difficulty separating a shooting on television from the events of their daily life and may be upset by graphic images. But if preschoolers are exposed to images of graphic violence, give them brief, simple explanations using examples they understand. Avoid using euphemisms. The concept of death may be more comprehensible to very young children when explained in terms of what is absent. For example: When people die they do not eat, talk, or cry. Also, young children will be reassured by nonverbal communications such as demonstrations of physical affection and adherence to a normal routine.
Children ages six to 12 should watch the news with their parents, who can use this shared time as an opportunity to talk about their children's reactions and feelings. Parents can reassure children that school shootings rarely happen, and that their school is safe. Parents can also take this opportunity to discuss the importance of their children making friends with all other children, rather than ostracizing, teasing, or bullying unpopular ones. Parents can stress how important it is for children to talk to adults about signs of anger or unhappiness they may observe in their classmates. Also, parents can explain to their child that they will take an active role in continuing to improve safety conditions in the child's school by going to PTA meetings and talking to the principal.
Parents of high school students should discuss with them the consequences of using violence to resolve conflict. High school students should be encouraged to take an active role in their own school by joining with other students to work against violence. They should be encouraged to develop such activities as peer-based conflict resolution and mediation programs, student council, and Students Against Violence Everywhere (SAVE). Parents should invite their high school youth to attend PTA meetings to assess safety needs in their school. High school students, like younger students, should understand the importance of avoiding cliques, which can alienate unpopular students, as well as the importance of helping adults identify students who are a potential risk.
While these suggestions do not address all the concerns raised by violence in the schools, they are a good place to start. There are also some links on the right to help you and your children explore these issues.
Children five and younger need to be sheltered from violent media images. It is also recommended that they do not watch TV news. They have difficulty separating a shooting on television from the events of their daily life and may be upset by graphic images. But if preschoolers are exposed to images of graphic violence, give them brief, simple explanations using examples they understand. Avoid using euphemisms. The concept of death may be more comprehensible to very young children when explained in terms of what is absent. For example: When people die they do not eat, talk, or cry. Also, young children will be reassured by nonverbal communications such as demonstrations of physical affection and adherence to a normal routine.
Children ages six to 12 should watch the news with their parents, who can use this shared time as an opportunity to talk about their children's reactions and feelings. Parents can reassure children that school shootings rarely happen, and that their school is safe. Parents can also take this opportunity to discuss the importance of their children making friends with all other children, rather than ostracizing, teasing, or bullying unpopular ones. Parents can stress how important it is for children to talk to adults about signs of anger or unhappiness they may observe in their classmates. Also, parents can explain to their child that they will take an active role in continuing to improve safety conditions in the child's school by going to PTA meetings and talking to the principal.
Parents of high school students should discuss with them the consequences of using violence to resolve conflict. High school students should be encouraged to take an active role in their own school by joining with other students to work against violence. They should be encouraged to develop such activities as peer-based conflict resolution and mediation programs, student council, and Students Against Violence Everywhere (SAVE). Parents should invite their high school youth to attend PTA meetings to assess safety needs in their school. High school students, like younger students, should understand the importance of avoiding cliques, which can alienate unpopular students, as well as the importance of helping adults identify students who are a potential risk.
While these suggestions do not address all the concerns raised by violence in the schools, they are a good place to start. There are also some links on the right to help you and your children explore these issues.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Want to become famous?
Do you want to be famous? According to a survey conducted by the research firm DYG, fifty-three percent (53%) of youth ages 13 to 17 strongly agreed with the statement "I would really enjoy being famous." This is not an uncommon dream for children and youth, but it seems that the desire to be famous has greatly increased in the last few years. According to some sociologist experts in the field of psychology, the source of this increase are the increasing number of reality shows on TV.
The reasoning behind this has to do with many of the reality shows encouraging children and teenagers to believe that the coolest thing in the world is to be famous, regardless of whether that fame comes from worthy accomplishments or scandalous antics. One does not even need a talent as can be seen on shows such as Survivor, The Real World, and Big Brother. These shows tell our children and youth that celebrity is within anyone's reach.
Its not only the TV shows on the major networks that feed this idea of celebrity. With the abundance of cable channels and the Internet (in particular, Web logs, video blogs, personal home pages and Myspace) have created demand for new faces and new stories. Children and youth more than ever, are willing to reveal their most personal secrets to their "audience."
Parents are asking, what can we do? My suggestions to sit down with your children and teenagers to discuss reality TV as a family and evaluate its value. Make sure they understand the difference between having celebrity and having integrity.
The reasoning behind this has to do with many of the reality shows encouraging children and teenagers to believe that the coolest thing in the world is to be famous, regardless of whether that fame comes from worthy accomplishments or scandalous antics. One does not even need a talent as can be seen on shows such as Survivor, The Real World, and Big Brother. These shows tell our children and youth that celebrity is within anyone's reach.
Its not only the TV shows on the major networks that feed this idea of celebrity. With the abundance of cable channels and the Internet (in particular, Web logs, video blogs, personal home pages and Myspace) have created demand for new faces and new stories. Children and youth more than ever, are willing to reveal their most personal secrets to their "audience."
Parents are asking, what can we do? My suggestions to sit down with your children and teenagers to discuss reality TV as a family and evaluate its value. Make sure they understand the difference between having celebrity and having integrity.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Bullying and Cyberbullying
Bullying has been around as long as people have been. By the time most children start Kindergarten, they learn to use name-calling or teasing as a form of social power. That power continues throughout the school age years. It occurs in the classroom, cafeteria, hallways, playgrounds, buses and now on the computer and cell phones - cyberbullying.
While some view bullying as a childhood rite of passage, research shows that some children who are the victims of bullying are socially isolated throughout their school years and even leading into their adult lives. Sometimes being bullied can lead to depression, low self-esteem and even violence.
Dr. Wendy Craig, who has done research on bullying says that it is important for parents, and other important people in a child’s life, to work at creating open communications with their children so they are not reluctant or embarrassed to talk about being teased or bullied. Dr. Craig offers a number of ways adults can help a child who is being bullied.
If you suspect a child is being bullied or teased, look for the signs such as being reluctant to go to school or certain activities, frequent “lost” objects or possessions, frequently states that “everyone is picking on me,” or low self esteem. Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with a yes or no. Some examples are “What kinds of things do you do in school today?” “What happened during recess?”
You can also help your child by sharing your experiences. Tell your childhood stories of being teased or bullied and how it made you feel. Another thing you could do is role-play. Reenact the bullying or teasing and help your child practice non-aggressive ways to handle it. Work with your child to come up with some witty comebacks. Teach preventative tactics such as reporting aggressive and abusive behavior and staying near friends and/or adult supervisors.
Parents often want to act immediately by calling someone in charge to report the bullying, but often the child will ask you not to do so because he or she is afraid th situation will get worse. Respect their wishes at first. But if it gets worse, empower the child to handle the reporting themselves with your assistance. Try not to make it seem like you are rescuing them, but that you are working as a team.
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes form on the computer or cell phone text messages. It can include bullying described above as well as that the form of someone pretending to be your child and posting nasty things. Incidents of cyberbullying continue to grow because it serves a person’s need for instant gratification. There is also the an anonymous factor in cyberbullying. However, nothing is truly anonymous on the internet or with text messaging.
A first line defense against bullying is to use a tracking software that block inappropriate messages and websites, as well as track online activity. Also place the computer your child uses online in a place in the house where you can keep an eye on them. For younger children, you may want to establish rules that limit the time and the amount of time they spend online, such as only when a parent is home.
There are a few “rules” to follow if cyberbullying occurs. The first is to have your child report all unwanted, teasing, inappropriate, threatening and bullying messages to you. The second is to never respond to cyberbullying. Let the bully think that the message was never received. However, this does not mean to underplay and ignore the problem.
The third is to assure your child that you will not take away the cell phone or computer if they tell you that they are being bullied. Also, save and print all harassing messages.
If your child is being cyberbullied there are ways to stop it and track it. ISP’s such as American Online can help with tools like the “AOL Guardian.” Report the bullying to your ISP and the bully’s ISP. If it is bullying via cell phone text messaging with the help of your provider and a little investigation, you should be able to find the cell phone provider of the bully and report the bullying to their provider.
No matter the form bullying takes, it is important for adults to remember that the old sing-song “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is not completely true. Words may not cause physical damage, but they can break a child’s spirit and self-esteem.
For more information about stopping cyberbullying, see the links on the right.
While some view bullying as a childhood rite of passage, research shows that some children who are the victims of bullying are socially isolated throughout their school years and even leading into their adult lives. Sometimes being bullied can lead to depression, low self-esteem and even violence.
Dr. Wendy Craig, who has done research on bullying says that it is important for parents, and other important people in a child’s life, to work at creating open communications with their children so they are not reluctant or embarrassed to talk about being teased or bullied. Dr. Craig offers a number of ways adults can help a child who is being bullied.
If you suspect a child is being bullied or teased, look for the signs such as being reluctant to go to school or certain activities, frequent “lost” objects or possessions, frequently states that “everyone is picking on me,” or low self esteem. Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with a yes or no. Some examples are “What kinds of things do you do in school today?” “What happened during recess?”
You can also help your child by sharing your experiences. Tell your childhood stories of being teased or bullied and how it made you feel. Another thing you could do is role-play. Reenact the bullying or teasing and help your child practice non-aggressive ways to handle it. Work with your child to come up with some witty comebacks. Teach preventative tactics such as reporting aggressive and abusive behavior and staying near friends and/or adult supervisors.
Parents often want to act immediately by calling someone in charge to report the bullying, but often the child will ask you not to do so because he or she is afraid th situation will get worse. Respect their wishes at first. But if it gets worse, empower the child to handle the reporting themselves with your assistance. Try not to make it seem like you are rescuing them, but that you are working as a team.
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes form on the computer or cell phone text messages. It can include bullying described above as well as that the form of someone pretending to be your child and posting nasty things. Incidents of cyberbullying continue to grow because it serves a person’s need for instant gratification. There is also the an anonymous factor in cyberbullying. However, nothing is truly anonymous on the internet or with text messaging.
A first line defense against bullying is to use a tracking software that block inappropriate messages and websites, as well as track online activity. Also place the computer your child uses online in a place in the house where you can keep an eye on them. For younger children, you may want to establish rules that limit the time and the amount of time they spend online, such as only when a parent is home.
There are a few “rules” to follow if cyberbullying occurs. The first is to have your child report all unwanted, teasing, inappropriate, threatening and bullying messages to you. The second is to never respond to cyberbullying. Let the bully think that the message was never received. However, this does not mean to underplay and ignore the problem.
The third is to assure your child that you will not take away the cell phone or computer if they tell you that they are being bullied. Also, save and print all harassing messages.
If your child is being cyberbullied there are ways to stop it and track it. ISP’s such as American Online can help with tools like the “AOL Guardian.” Report the bullying to your ISP and the bully’s ISP. If it is bullying via cell phone text messaging with the help of your provider and a little investigation, you should be able to find the cell phone provider of the bully and report the bullying to their provider.
No matter the form bullying takes, it is important for adults to remember that the old sing-song “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is not completely true. Words may not cause physical damage, but they can break a child’s spirit and self-esteem.
For more information about stopping cyberbullying, see the links on the right.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Video Games? Creative Fun or Violent
Video games have become one of the most popular sources of entertainment among children and youth in the United States. One study shows that 70 percent of children have a video game player in their home and 33 percent have one in their bedroom. The problem with these video games are that they are not like the PacMac, Asteroids, and Frogger games with simple graphics from when the majority of these children’s parents were growing up. Video Games have become much more realistic and violent. What is even worse is that many of these games are available to children and young teens with out the parents understanding what the game is about.
Some of the worse offenders of the violent nature of these games are what are know as first person shooter games, or “First Shooter.” These games are seen from the prespective of the person playing it and they are usually armed with a weapon. Another recent craze in “First Shooter” games are based on the player being a driver. The series of Grand Theft Auto games are one example. In these games players are rewarded for stealing cars, assaulting police officers, beating and shooting people. Another car game is Carmageddon where the player is rewarded for running over pedestrians. When one completes all levels of the game and have achived the highest score possible, one would have had to kill over 33,000 people.
Some argue that playing these games are not harmful to our children at all. I beg to different. The first shooter game comes from the same idea that police departments and military forces use to teach people to shoot at people without a second thought. In 2003 the two boys who were shooting at trucks on Interstate 40 in Tennessee where acting out what they had done earlier when they where playing Grand Theft Auto 3.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, media violence can lead to aggressive behavior in children. Over 1,000 studies confirm this link. Two studies that appeared in the April 2000 issue of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concluded that violent video games may be more harmful than violent television and movies because they are interactive, very engrossing and require the player to identify with the aggressor. The studies found that playing violent video games can increase a person's aggressive thoughts, feelings and behavior both in laboratory settings and in actual life. A review of the scientific literature in Psychological Science in 2001 showed a consistent pattern of results in 35 studies of video games: exposure to violent games increased aggressive thoughts in children and adults, as well as aggressive feelings, physiological arousal and aggressive behavior.
"Mature"-rated games (for persons 17 or older) are now the fastest growing segment of the video game industry (Knight-Ridder Newspapers, 1/5/03). About one-third of video games now purchased are rated "M," the marketing firm NPD Funworld reports. About 40 percent of those who play "M"-rated games are under 18, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
This is not to say that there are no good video games for children and youth. There are many great titles out there with the ratings for children and youth. Some feature their favorite Disney and cartoon characters, new twists on old favorites such as those from Nintendo and others feature problem solving.
There are three main ratings of games, “E” for everyone, “T” for teens, and “M” for mature. The rating system covers things such as blood and gore, gambling, nudity, level of violence and drugs. The system does not take into account demeaning women or minorities, nor is any such indicator on the packaging required.
There are many resources out there to help you determine which games are suitable for your children or youth. Some of those resources are:
NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON MEDIA AND THE FAMILY
AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION
Violent Video Games can Increase Aggession
Harmful Effects of Violent Video Games
Some of the worse offenders of the violent nature of these games are what are know as first person shooter games, or “First Shooter.” These games are seen from the prespective of the person playing it and they are usually armed with a weapon. Another recent craze in “First Shooter” games are based on the player being a driver. The series of Grand Theft Auto games are one example. In these games players are rewarded for stealing cars, assaulting police officers, beating and shooting people. Another car game is Carmageddon where the player is rewarded for running over pedestrians. When one completes all levels of the game and have achived the highest score possible, one would have had to kill over 33,000 people.
Some argue that playing these games are not harmful to our children at all. I beg to different. The first shooter game comes from the same idea that police departments and military forces use to teach people to shoot at people without a second thought. In 2003 the two boys who were shooting at trucks on Interstate 40 in Tennessee where acting out what they had done earlier when they where playing Grand Theft Auto 3.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, media violence can lead to aggressive behavior in children. Over 1,000 studies confirm this link. Two studies that appeared in the April 2000 issue of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concluded that violent video games may be more harmful than violent television and movies because they are interactive, very engrossing and require the player to identify with the aggressor. The studies found that playing violent video games can increase a person's aggressive thoughts, feelings and behavior both in laboratory settings and in actual life. A review of the scientific literature in Psychological Science in 2001 showed a consistent pattern of results in 35 studies of video games: exposure to violent games increased aggressive thoughts in children and adults, as well as aggressive feelings, physiological arousal and aggressive behavior.
"Mature"-rated games (for persons 17 or older) are now the fastest growing segment of the video game industry (Knight-Ridder Newspapers, 1/5/03). About one-third of video games now purchased are rated "M," the marketing firm NPD Funworld reports. About 40 percent of those who play "M"-rated games are under 18, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
This is not to say that there are no good video games for children and youth. There are many great titles out there with the ratings for children and youth. Some feature their favorite Disney and cartoon characters, new twists on old favorites such as those from Nintendo and others feature problem solving.
There are three main ratings of games, “E” for everyone, “T” for teens, and “M” for mature. The rating system covers things such as blood and gore, gambling, nudity, level of violence and drugs. The system does not take into account demeaning women or minorities, nor is any such indicator on the packaging required.
There are many resources out there to help you determine which games are suitable for your children or youth. Some of those resources are:
NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON MEDIA AND THE FAMILY
AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION
Violent Video Games can Increase Aggession
Harmful Effects of Violent Video Games
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Reading with Your Children
Reading to your child is not only personally rewarding but will help him or her later in life. There are many reports and studies that show reading with your children help them in all kinds of ways, from relationship building to developing critical thinking skills. This is also a great way for you to begin fulfilling your baptism promise of teaching your child about your faith. Below are a few suggestions I have. Some are available in several places for purchase, all are available at local libraries.
Prayers from the Ark, De Gasztold
There are several versions of this book available, some with wonderfully colored illustrations. There is also a version known as Prayers from the Ark and the Creature's Choir. The book is full of prayers from the perspective of the animals on Noah’s Ark.
God’s Paintbrush, Sasso
There are also several other Great Books by the author Sandy Eisenberg Sasso such as Prayer for the Earth, What is God’s Name? and In God’s Name.
Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lewis
This is the classic children’s tale by the Christian writer C.S. Lewis of redemption. One this one has been read you can go one to C.S. Lewis’ other tales of Narnia.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at rllewis@elcbethesda.org.
PAX,
Pastor Robert Lewis +
Prayers from the Ark, De Gasztold
There are several versions of this book available, some with wonderfully colored illustrations. There is also a version known as Prayers from the Ark and the Creature's Choir. The book is full of prayers from the perspective of the animals on Noah’s Ark.
God’s Paintbrush, Sasso
There are also several other Great Books by the author Sandy Eisenberg Sasso such as Prayer for the Earth, What is God’s Name? and In God’s Name.
Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lewis
This is the classic children’s tale by the Christian writer C.S. Lewis of redemption. One this one has been read you can go one to C.S. Lewis’ other tales of Narnia.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at rllewis@elcbethesda.org.
PAX,
Pastor Robert Lewis +
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