Bullying and Cyberbullying

Bullying has been around as long as people have been. By the time most children start Kindergarten, they learn to use name-calling or teasing as a form of social power. That power continues throughout the school age years. It occurs in the classroom, cafeteria, hallways, playgrounds, buses and now on the computer and cell phones - cyberbullying.

While some view bullying as a childhood rite of passage, research shows that some children who are the victims of bullying are socially isolated throughout their school years and even leading into their adult lives. Sometimes being bullied can lead to depression, low self-esteem and even violence.

Dr. Wendy Craig, who has done research on bullying says that it is important for parents, and other important people in a child’s life, to work at creating open communications with their children so they are not reluctant or embarrassed to talk about being teased or bullied. Dr. Craig offers a number of ways adults can help a child who is being bullied.

If you suspect a child is being bullied or teased, look for the signs such as being reluctant to go to school or certain activities, frequent “lost” objects or possessions, frequently states that “everyone is picking on me,” or low self esteem. Ask open-ended questions that can not be answered with a yes or no. Some examples are “What kinds of things do you do in school today?” “What happened during recess?”

You can also help your child by sharing your experiences. Tell your childhood stories of being teased or bullied and how it made you feel. Another thing you could do is role-play. Reenact the bullying or teasing and help your child practice non-aggressive ways to handle it. Work with your child to come up with some witty comebacks. Teach preventative tactics such as reporting aggressive and abusive behavior and staying near friends and/or adult supervisors.

Parents often want to act immediately by calling someone in charge to report the bullying, but often the child will ask you not to do so because he or she is afraid th situation will get worse. Respect their wishes at first. But if it gets worse, empower the child to handle the reporting themselves with your assistance. Try not to make it seem like you are rescuing them, but that you are working as a team.

Cyberbullying is bullying that takes form on the computer or cell phone text messages. It can include bullying described above as well as that the form of someone pretending to be your child and posting nasty things. Incidents of cyberbullying continue to grow because it serves a person’s need for instant gratification. There is also the an anonymous factor in cyberbullying. However, nothing is truly anonymous on the internet or with text messaging.

A first line defense against bullying is to use a tracking software that block inappropriate messages and websites, as well as track online activity. Also place the computer your child uses online in a place in the house where you can keep an eye on them. For younger children, you may want to establish rules that limit the time and the amount of time they spend online, such as only when a parent is home.


There are a few “rules” to follow if cyberbullying occurs. The first is to have your child report all unwanted, teasing, inappropriate, threatening and bullying messages to you. The second is to never respond to cyberbullying. Let the bully think that the message was never received. However, this does not mean to underplay and ignore the problem.

The third is to assure your child that you will not take away the cell phone or computer if they tell you that they are being bullied. Also, save and print all harassing messages.

If your child is being cyberbullied there are ways to stop it and track it. ISP’s such as American Online can help with tools like the “AOL Guardian.” Report the bullying to your ISP and the bully’s ISP. If it is bullying via cell phone text messaging with the help of your provider and a little investigation, you should be able to find the cell phone provider of the bully and report the bullying to their provider.

No matter the form bullying takes, it is important for adults to remember that the old sing-song “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is not completely true. Words may not cause physical damage, but they can break a child’s spirit and self-esteem.

For more information about stopping cyberbullying, see the links on the right.