Talking with Children about the Virginia Tech Shootings and Other Violent Events

After the recent shootings at Virginia Tech, children will have questions and concerns about this event. Compiled below is some information gleaned from several sources.

1. Listen to children. Allow them to express their concerns and fears.

2. Regardless of a child's age, the most important thing you can do is to reassure children of safety and security. Tell children that you, their school, their friends and their communities are all focused on their safety and that those around them are working for their safety. You many need to have discussions about those who protect us such as police, firefighters, teachers and other school officials, neighbors and all concerned adults throughout the community.

3. When discussing the events with younger children, the amount of information shared should be limited to some basic facts. Use words meaningful to them (not words like sniper, murderer, etc.), nor violent descriptive words (such as killed, bloodly). For younger children, do not go into specific details unless the child brings up the topics, and then give the less information you can in order not to add to the stress they may already have.

4. School-aged children will most likely ask, "Can this happen here, or to me?" Do not lie to children (because you will lose their trust). Reiterate how the community is focused on working to keep everyone safe in the community.

5. Adults should be cautious of permitting young children to watch news or listen to radio that is discussing or showing the situation. Most of them can not really process this information. Personal discussions are the best way to share information with this age group. Also, be prepared and plan to discuss this many times over the coming weeks.

6. When discussing the events with preteens and teens, more detail is appropriate, and many will already have seen or heard news broadcasts. Do not let them focus too much on graphic details (nor on the weapons and techniques). Instead, encourage them to talk about their feelings and concerns. Focus your discussions on what they share with you. Also, be careful of how much media they are exposed to - especially in this age when one can watch a news channel for hours. Talk directly with them about the tragedy and answer their questions truthfully.

7. Although preteens and teens are more mature, do not forget to reassure them of their safety and your efforts to protect them. Regardless of age, all children must hear this message.

8. Be on the lookout for physical symptoms of anxiety that children or youth may demonstrate. They may be a sign that a child, although not directly discussing the situation, is very troubled by the recent events. Talk more directly to children who exhibit these signs such as: Headaches, Excessive worry, Stomach aches, Increased arguing, Back aches, irritability, trouble sleeping, breaking from routines, withdrawal, increase in clinging behavior, nightmares, and refusal to go to places such as school.

9. Adults should often reassure children that they will be protected and kept safe. During tragedies like this one, words expressing safety and reassurance with concrete plans should be discussed and agreed upon within the family to provide the most comfort to children and teens.

10. If you are concerned about your children and their reaction to this or any tragedy, talk directly with their school counselor, family doctor, or local mental health professional.